Often times we are faced with challenges which can stir up many questions in our mind, and emotions in our heart. Sometimes the answers seem quite clear, but sometimes, our mind can be clouded, leaving us unsure, once again. Then, one day we come face to face with a situation which leaves an Inspirational imprint on our heart.
As Bradley (my son) and I stepped out of the elevator and into the front lobby, I noticed there was a lady about my age sitting by the lobby doors, waiting very patiently. On her lap sat a blanket which kept her legs warm, and in her hands was a book which she was reading to pass the time. She seemed quite content at the moment. Then I noticed that she was sitting in a wheelchair.
As we walked by her to exit the lobby, the young lady looked up, and our eyes met with a friendly smile and a warm greeting. As Bradley and I approached the car, I expressed to him my concern for her, wondering if she was ok or if she needed any help. It was difficult to sit patiently in the car because I felt as though I had just let this lady sit, alone, not knowing her circumstances.
We headed back inside the building to wait on Grace to be done with her appointment, and I noticed the lady was still sitting there reading her book. Although she seemed to be content, I could not help but ask her if she was ok or if she needed any help. She smiled so sincerely and explained to me that she was fine and that she was just waiting on call-a-ride. Call-a-ride is an organization that helps the disabled get to their appointments when they can not drive, or do not have transportation. Again she smiled and then thanked me for my concern. I could then rest a bit easier knowing that she was ok. So, Bradley and I continued to the elevator, to the second floor, and to the office where we continued our wait for Grace to be done.
As this lady was so young and so pretty, the situation had raised a lot of emotion for me. When Bradley and I stepped into the elevator and the doors closed, all I could say was "Hello Reality". She was too young and too pretty to be sitting in that wheelchair. I guess disabilities are none picky about who they attack. I already know this, given my present circumstances, but seeing her sitting there like that really hit home for me. I felt bad for her. She did not seem to be the happiest person in the world, but she surely was not bitter either. She did, however, seem to be quite content for the moment. It made me wonder, is she content with the present situation, waiting on her ride? Or is she content with her life in general? This I will never know, but I would like to think that she is content with her life in general, and that she has found peace within her circumstance.
This raised a lot of debate within my own mind. What is life going to be like when I can no longer drive myself to my own appointments? Will I be as patient and content as this lady seemed to be? Will I be as friendly and as grateful to those willing to help as she was with me? Or will I be impatient, and mad at the world? What will life be like when I can no longer drive myself to the grocery store to use the time shopping as some time to myself? Will I see it as just spending time with my family and be grateful for thier help? Or will I be bitter and angry because I can no longer do it on my own? What will life be like when I can no longer do the seemingly simple things on my own like I can now? Will I be able to be content with my life and thannkful for the family that is so willing to help? Or will I be bitter and jealous because I used to be able to, but now I need assistance? Will I accept thier help? Or will I be hard headed and stubborn, determined to do it on my own? Will my children be accepting and willing to help me the way they are now? Or will they be bitter and mad towards me because helping me adds to the things they have to do? Will this cause resentment towards me from my family? Will my kids be ashamed of me when it comes to their friends, their school events, or even the things they do in their adult lives? Or will they not care about the looks, the pointed fingers, and the laughter from others in this world? The last thing I ever want to do to this family is to slow them down or make more responsibility on them than they deserve. I want my children to live happy and normal lives, not to have to worry about the parent at home that needs taken care of. It's my job as a parent to take care of them, not the other way around.
My husband is awesome in his reassurance to me that he will take care of me every step of the way,and I love him dearly for that. He reassures me that he will do everything he possibly can to make sure I keep my independance, and that he will always be here to help me with anything and everything that I can not do on my own. He reassures me that his love for me is so great, that he will not mind helping me in any way he possibly can. I am grateful for the husband and the children that I have. He is sincere in his efforts of reassurance for my comfort. Still I wonder though, how long will it take for resentment to set in? How long will he go to work day after day, and then have to come home to take care of a wife that should be taking care of him, before he gets tired of it? How long before he starts making excuses to not come home right away because he does not want to deal with it? If I have days that are filled with depression, anger, fear, or negative, will he fall into that, or will he hold me tight and be patient and understanding? As with my children, I do not want to slow him down or become a burden to him. I do not want him to feel like the world is on his shoulders.
There are so many things that scare me with this situation, but I continue to tell myself over and over again that my family loves me for me, and that they will do for me as I would do for them in this situation. I still have to remember though, they are as human as I am. I know they will go through changes with this as well. Where I ask of them to be patient with me, I will also have to be patient with them as the adjustments are made.
Although many questions and emotions were raised by seeing this young lady, I walked away from her with a lot of Inspiration as well. She seemed to be content and accepting of her situation. She was patient and occupied with a good book while she waited on her ride. She was very kind and grateful to those who asked if she needed help, or struck conversation with her, and she greeted each person with a beautiful smile and a kind and gentle tone of voice. As there was no one there with her to help, she seemed to still hold her independance. I pray to be more like this woman when it is my time to face this situation.
I pray for the strength and the courage to smile through every situation, and towards every person that crosses my path. I pray for the patience and contenment with every situation which I have to wait for others to assist with the things I can no longer do on my own. I pray for the love in my heart to be grateful for every ounce of help that is given to me. And I pray for the peace in my soul to be able to accept my situation as it is, and to not be bitter about it. I pray for the trust in my fmaily, that they will not hold resentment or shame towards me in any given way. I pray for the faith that I will find continued independance and that I will never be a burden on my family.
I know that with my faith and my trust in the Lord, these things will be blessed upon me. I know the Lord will contiue to keep his hand upon me througout each and every trial that comes my way. I also know that without him, I can not do this. I am one of his many, many children, and I know that he will take care of me and he will not love any less through any path that my life is on.
*Alone I can do nothing, but with God, all things are possible*
